Self Portrait

I wish I had something profound to say about my self portrait, but I just don't. I was handed a blank sheet of paper (I grabbed a couple more in case of mess ups). I was told to draw myself. Not what I wanted to look like, but what I actually looked like, including every unwanted flaw. I brainstormed at school, but I couldn't do it there. I took home my paper and myself. I got an inconveniently tall mirror and balanced it against a rocking chair. Yes, a rocking chair. It fell over alot. Beisde me stood a small lamp. And there I sat cross-legged on the hardwood floor of my bathroom(my feet falling asleep often). I love drawing on top of smooth wood even when the annoying crack in the seam traces on my paper(there were several random lines in this that you can't see). But that's where I was when I drew this, therefore, it should have it's own place in my piece, our piece, I think. Where ever I am; if I'm in the grass, grass stains there may be. If I'm eating cheetos, orange smudges there may be. That is slightly unappetizing, but I'm not hungry right now anyway. I felt overwhelmed at first, staring at the massive white page. But once I put my earphones in and touched my ebony pencil against the paper, I forget how empty the page was. Looking back and forth from the paper and up into the mirror, I no longer became realistic. I became something else that I can't even explain. Just something to draw. Something 2-d. I pictured myself flat. And I became flat. Adding shadows and depths, I came to life on the paper. I kind of loose myself when I get into these moments. It becomes only me. I can't describe it. Time flies by when I get tangled up in such drawings. I become oh so confident during these moments and when I am finally finished, I feel a great wave of accomplishment rush over me. Then I share it with everyone because I feel very proud of it. And sometimes I struggle with that because I should not be proud of it. Maybe I should be be proud in the fact that God gave me the ability to see things a certain way to be able to put it on paper? This is something I am working on; being not proud of anything but God, only God. Struggle, struggle, struggle.